Over the past month, I realized one thing I neglected: prayer. Eventhough I have been talking to God, I have forgotten to ask Him to bless me with a spirit of self-control, praise, confession, and meditation. So this week, I've been asking God to give me gentleness. Everyday I see my daughter and immediately realize the neccessity to be gentle. She is so innocent and beautiful. I don't want to harm her.
However, she isn't the only reason I want to be gentle. I want to be gentle with my husband who is more often gentle with me than I am with him. I want to be gentle with my sisters who are kind and beautiful women. I want to be gentle with my mother, who has loved me and been gentle with me for almost 30 years. I want to be gentle with my father who has provided not only my needs and wants until I married Michael, he taught me about the One who is gentle and humble in heart.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your weary souls. For my yoke easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
Just to be clear: my life is not what I consider burdened or weary. But this week has been one tough week. God has heard my call for gentleness. Most of the week I felt His gentle spirit guide me. Today has been a different story. I have felt burdened and weary.
Michael has been working a different shift for two weeks (with a small break over last weekend). The change in schedule has really taken its toll on all of us. We are all weary and burdened. Add a cold weather and a dreary winter, potty training a two year old, history of depression and the desire to grow closer to God (satan attacks when we want God). You got it, its been one tough week...and today, a disaster.
I have cried and exclaimed words that I am ashamed to admit. I have slept when Michael should have been sleeping instead. I lay around with pity and loneliness. If only I would kneel before the Lord, my God and Creator. He can shield me and lift my head so that I will see His glory and know that I am not alone. (Psalm 3:3)
How many of you have found yourself just a little less gentle than you want to be? Why is it so difficult to be gentle? A gentle spirit is beautiful and desirable. I want to be gentle. 1 Peter 3:4 says that a gentle and quiet spirit is beautiful and never fading.
I fall at my Lord's feet begging to give me rest. Lord, teach me to be gentle and humble like you. May others who find themselves in a similar situation, look to you for rest. Your yoke is easy and your burden is light. Forgive me for being less than gentle. May we all see your glory and be gentle like you.